“You Say: I Can’t Meditate”
…I say: You’re more ready than you think.
When I tell people I teach meditation, I’m often met with these two statements:
“I can’t meditate.” Or, “I’m a terrible meditator.” Can you relate?
Sometimes I want to quickly respond, “If you can breathe, and if you are alive, then you can meditate.”
Keep reading for additional wise words about just how naturally capable you already are at meditation from Sharon Salzberg, John O’Donohue, and the Buddha himself.
“We don’t meditate to get better at meditating, we meditate to get better at life.” -Sharon Salzberg
But what does that mean? For me, meditating allows me to get better at seeing and accepting what is happening in this moment, and now this moment without judgment. It helps me create a clearing in the dense forest of my life, to untangle fears, thoughts, or emotions that grow into narratives about what happened, or hasn’t happened yet. Like many people, I grew up in a house swirling with chaos and unpredictability. To navigate this environment I learned to anticipate, analyze, and strategize. It was safer to think, than to feel. The result brought behaviors based on numbness or relationships filled with emotional reactivity. So, several years ago, I began meditating to unlearn my way of being in the world. It’s taken me a long time to learn how to safely drop 12 inches from my head to my heart. It’s not easy to sit with ourselves, and you’re not alone if you feel that way when you begin to meditate, too.
“So many people are frightened by the wonder of their own presence.” -John O’Donohue
He’s right. As soon as we stop and settle into stillness, thoughts, feelings, or emotions arise. It’s OK. Just breathe. Sit. Stay. Heal. Commit to 5-minute “sits” at first. Inhale. Exhale. Carve out a place in your home dedicated to sitting. This could be a corner of a room, or a cushion on your deck or patio. Inhale. Exhale. Set a timer, but beware of having your phone too close, or better yet, click it to airplane mode. Just for 5 minutes. Just notice sensations. And breathe. Yes, sometimes the physical body gets stiff or tense, but it’s OK. Just notice. After 30 seconds, you may want to get up for coffee, check email or social media, but sit. And be kind. Instead, you might just say, “I’m hungry. That’s it. I’m not a good meditator! I’m done.” Allow yourself to be amazed by how much comes up in your busy mind in 5 minutes. Try not to judge yourself, and remember that all of these observations and experiences are perfectly normal and natural.
A story from the Buddha:
The buddha once asked a student, “If a person is struck by an arrow, is it painful?”
The student replied, “It is.”
The Buddha then asked “If the person is struck by a second arrow, is that even more painful?”
The student replied, “It is.”
The Buddha then explained, “In life, we cannot always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first.”
Have you ever experienced something painful, and then made it even worse by your reaction to it? The first arrow is our human conditioning to cling to comfort and pleasure while responding with aversion to unpleasant experiences. We think that for 5 minutes, we should be able to stop our obsessive thoughts or compulsive behaviors, but the anxious rehearsing, cravings for food or attention, hound us throughout the day (or the five-minute sit). The second, more painful arrow is our reaction to these “failures.” Sometimes the self-aversion is subtle, and we’re not aware of how it undermines us. We get down on ourselves for being flustered, sleepy, or unproductive (for five minutes). Awakening self-compassion is the greatest challenge people face. The second arrow is the message of “I’m not OK.” I don’t know if this resonates for you, or not. If it does, the good news is we do have a choice about the second arrow. Since becoming aware of the second arrow, I notice it in my own self-talk or criticism of my meditation practice (or procrastination practice). There is a way to stop attacking ourselves for how we are thinking and feeling. I learn to recognize that second arrow which arrives in a whiney not-so-nice voice. I talk to the voice of the second arrow, and say, “Is it true? Is it useful? Is it kind? Do these thoughts cause suffering? Do they inspire compassion?”
And then I look at the clock, and see I have four more minutes of my five-minute meditation session. And so I begin again. Inhale. Exhale. Notice. Repeat. Did this resonate with you? I’d love to have you contact me with your inquiry here.